I'd like to watch nine minutes and 42 seconds of Teen Wolf Too

:7 - "I knew it, I knew Pug would win that fight"

:51 - "Holy shit"

1:21 - Intense Chubby

2:59 - Chubby gets electrocuted

3:52 - "I can mash potatoes," part 1

4:01 - Stiles' shoulder shake

4:20 - Chubby's spin move

4:56 - "I can mash potatoes," part 2

5:52 - Silly backwards jump onto balcony

6:56 - Teen Wolf Too jumps for frisbee

6:58 - Teen Wolf Too catches frisbee in mouth

8:08 - A.C. Slater stunt double impressed with Teen Wolf Too's jump roping ability

8:31 - Will Smith is loving Teen Wolf Too

9:08 - John Rocker is not loving Teen Wolf Too

9:31 - Kevin McDonald interviews John Rocker

Teen Wolf Too un-licensed merchandise now available

A - "Teen Wolf Too" - ADULT (M/L/XL)... $19.95

B - "You can't face life as a wolf and expect it to solve all your problems" - ADULT (M/L/XL)... $19.95

C - "Teen Wolf Too" - CHILD (XS/S/M)... $10.95

D - "I'd like to change some classes" - STICKER... $3.95


email derwoodmorris@gmail.com to order

That's Just About Enough of the Nonsense

It's time to play Ernie's favorite game, That's Just About Enough of the Nonsense.

Today's entry:



Thoughts? Email thisguy@embarrassmenttomychildren.com

1987 Chevrolet station wagons with tinted windows in mirror are closer than they appear

Mark Holton: Sports movie legend

He's no Chelcie Ross, a man who portrayed George in Hoosiers, Eddie Harris in Major League and Dan Devine, the most hated man in South Bend, in Rudy. That's like Cy Young's win total-that thing is never going to be topped.

But Mark Holton is a solid second; consider him the 2008 Memphis to Ross' Kansas.


Holton

Holton played Chubby, the power forward with a delicatessen in his locker and a Kareem-esque hook shot, in Teen Wolf. He returned as Chubby in Teen Wolf Too, this time as a heavyweight boxer for Hamilton University. To complete the dynamic trio, Holton appeared in Little Giants as Mr. Zolteck, father of Rudy Zolteck, one of the great movie farters of all time.

Solid work, Holton.

Monday morning preview

Hamilton University fight song

The Hamilton boxing team needed a lift before the state championship bout against the Neemitz Academy. So, Chubby got the school fight song going and the rest is history.


"Hamilton, thou art highest of them all
we are loyal subjects, listening for your call.
Proud we of thy emblem, thou art colors green and white.
So let's get in the ring, boys, and fight, fight, fight!"

Night on the Town

This from an incident report at Georgia Tech University. My favorite parts are in BOLD.


Aggravated Assault

Incident Date/Time: December 11, 2010, at approximately 4:00 AM

Incident Location: Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity House located at 221 Fourth Street, NW

Incident Description: Two students at the Sigma Alpha Epsilon Fraternity house heard a chopping noise coming from the backyard of their house. When they went outside to investigate, they observed a male chopping at a tree with a hatchet. They confronted the male who appeared to be intoxicated. The male swung the hatchet at one of the students and missed. The students were not injured. The male was last seen running through the fire lane towards Fowler Street, NW.

Description of Suspect:
White Male
18-20 years old
5'8" tall
Dark jacket
Blue jeans
Red Santa hat

Status of Investigation: The incident is being investigated by the Georgia Tech Police Department.

Bilbo's Motel

Bilbo's Motel is everywhere and everyone you wanted to be. I even went inside to make sure.


Derwood: "Bilbo's Motel?"

Desk clerk: "Yes. Is there something I can help you with, sir?"

Derwood: "The name of this motel is 'Bilbo's Motel'"?

DC: "Yes."

Derwood: "Who's Bilbo?"

DC: "Sir, would you like a room?"

Derwood: "Yeah, I'll take the Bilbo Room."


[Asked to leave]

Four-inning perfect game

Fernando Valenzuela

Your Teen Wolf Too Reminder

Coming soon:

"You can't face life as a wolf and expect it to solve all your problems"

"I guess the wolf makes you a jerk."

"Well it is true that sometimes it skips family members. Your mother and father aren't werewolves."

First prize - costume contest

Rare BLOWO T! screen

Things got ugly at the Stick

The Giants threw at Willie McGee after Jack Clark ripped a three-run home run in the fifth. Unfortunately for Robbie Thompson, he led off the bottom half of the inning.






"The animosity from (SF pitcher, Mike) Krukow could've come from the fact that we stole at will on Bob Brenly," said St. Louis manager Ozzie Yorlap. "But if you're three-hopping it into second, I'm sending Vince Coleman and the boys all game, baby. It's about winning RBI Baseball championships, not sparing some noodle arm's feelings."

South Carolina, part 2

"What are we going to name this town?"

"I don't know, Townville?"

"Yes!"

South Carolina

Apparently, if you're car has a roof and you're not changing lanes every five seconds at 95 M.P.H., this guy hates you.

Mr. Morelli at Career Day

Jennings 2

"Listen, Gregg Popovich is not joking! This is his job!"

ILTCSC ACC Preview

Bobby Dodd Stadium - Staff Photo (Rainbow)

Crazy Guy Sundays

Saw this fresh-faced youngster at a stop light and caught a little of the conversation he was having with a blade of grass:

"Hamby's got mine on a paddycoat, you can't step in front of my sismiss and say 'hey, who are you going on a chimrat'? Meatballs? Shoot, meatballs on a tie rack, baby."

That smell you're smelling is the 2000 NBA Draft

I know it's easy for a guy with a unibrow, sipping Busch Light, to look back on a nine-year old draft and make fun of it, but I just can't help myself. I really can't imagine there's been a worse draft in the league's history.


First, let's check out the top 7:

1. Kenyon Martin (New Jersey). Career highlight: has a tattoo of lips on his neck.
2. Stromile Swift (Vancouver). "Stromile of the Decade" (Stromile Monthly, December, 2009)
3. Darius Miles (LA Clippers). Let's go Clips! Let's go Clips! Let's go Clips!
4. Marcus Fizer (Chicago). Greatest Fizer in NBA history.
5. Mike Miller (Orlando). Best-looking white guy ever taken in the top 5.



6. Dermarr Johnson (Atlanta). Similiar players on basketballreference.com: Bosjtan Nachbar. Let's go Hawks! Let's go Hawks! Let's go Hawks!
7. Chris Mihm (Cleveland).

One more time: that's CHRIS MIHM.

The worst of the rest

* The Clips continued to impress, taking Keyon Dooling at No. 10 and Marko Jaric with the first pick of the second round (30th overall).

* The Bulls had five draft picks in the two rounds. Here's what they did with them:

No. 4 - Fizer (above)
No. 8 - Jamal Crawford (decent pick)
No. 24 - Dalibor Bagaric (not even a good pick if this was the Croatian draft)
Nos 32, 33, 34 - A.J. Guyton, Jake Voskuhl and Khalid ElAmin (yes, the Bulls had three consecutive picks at the start of the second round and managed to screw up all three. Incredible.)

* These were 7 of the final 10 picks of the first round:

Craig Claxton - No. 20 (Philly)
Donnell Harvey - No. 22 (Dallas)
Iakovos Tsakalidis - No. 25 (Phoenix)
Mamadou NDiaye - No. 26 (Denver)
Primoz Brezec - No. 27 (Indiana)
Erick Barkley - No. 28 (Portland)
Mark Madsen - No. 29 (LA Lakers)

Mygoodnessgracious.

Cathy

Cathy McDonald count:

"cini minis" - 9
"eggs-actly!" - 1

Manute Bol's band

We've got Manute on bass, Muggsy Bogues on, amplifier I guess? and some kind of noseless stuffed animal on drums.

Terry "Cat Man" Catledge wasn't available to play drums?

Busch Light love letter

Saturday morning preview

Monday morning preview

Championship

All Star scavenger hunt

ANAHEIM - After a good breakfast and 11 cigarettes, I visited the All-Star Fan Fest. I had a short list of photos I needed to obtain and it all came together at the Convention Center.


1. Someone in a Pittsburgh Pirates jersey making balloon animals

2. An Oddibe McDowell autographed photo selling for $20

3. Kansas City Royals anything

4. A John Grabow autographed photo selling for $12

Jersey

Thursday morning preview

New ILTCSC sponsor

Lounging Bean

Now THAT'S a clean fireplace

Three guys came by the apartment today and cleaned the fireplace. By "cleaned" I don't mean Mary Poppins, chimney sweep-style; it was three guys with a wet-dry vac.

I've got a couple questions:

1. Three guys are needed to vaccum my fireplace?
2. It's June 24; it's 97 degrees outside; couldn't this have waited until November?

ILTCSC Archives

Visiting an old classic....

Portraits available for order

Marc Russo



Rory Corcoran


If you'd like a self-portrait drawn by our award-winning staff, email derwoodmorris@gmail.com with an attached photo.


Portraits are $1 + cost of penguin transfer.

Your Teen Wolf Too reminder

"Frog fighting in my lab?"

Championship

One-inning no-hitter

Jack Morris

Letter from the editor

Stay away from this man.


- Derwood Morris

Bingo Update

July 4

1:19 a.m.: Yawn

1:22 a.m.: Under couch

--

July 5

1:56 a.m.: Yawn

11:28 p.m.: Burp; yawn

--

July 8

6:46 p.m.: Swinging, acrobatics on shower rod


July 10 - 12:16 p.m.
While hiding in green shower curtain, scares Grandma

-

July 23, 1:57 a.m.
Under couch

Cows Can't Spell?

Bingo

Bingo update (June 29, 2:31 p.m.): Stretched; sneezed.

June 30, 12:36 a.m.: ate a spider

June 30, 12:38 a.m.: threw up spider/other grayish-orange things

This Week in Gross

We're starting a new segment here at ILTCSC called This Week in Gross.

This week: Ruby Tuesday salad bar




"We have a sneeze guard!"

That's fantastic. Do you have an I Wiped My Nose With My Hand and Then Grabbed the Ranch Dressing Ladle guard?

How about an Old Woman Skin Flakes guard?

Maybe you can check in the walk-in freezer for a Six-Year Old Whose Never Washed His Hands guard.

You have none of those items? Then why don't you go ahead and keep the sunflower seed kernels and the raisins. I'm going to eat something that I'm pretty sure only two people - the cook and the server - touched.

I didn't circle the restaurant shaking everyone's hand and then licked my own hand after each shake, so why would I eat from this salad bar?


Extra point: A mirror is provided so everyone can see how disgusting they are.

NFL Draft Live Blog

Photography

Cockroach in wine (Sherman Jr.)

31-0

Ken Harrelson strikes again

I just wanted to watch the Whitesox and Tigers for a few innings; try to keep my cat

from eating this paper clip



and Ken Harrelson had to speak:

"The errors of this day and age are so much more magnified than the errors of yesteryear."

[Rambling about pitch counts...]

"On a scale of 1-to-10 (errors) used to be a '2'. Now, it's like an '8'."


Why don't you snack on that one for a little while.

Monday morning preview

Cards steal 31 bases in six innings against Minnesota

Andy Hawkins

I posted this on my old Yankees blog, but I think it's worth another look.


Perhaps the 12 worst days of Andy Hawkins' life

We all remember what happened July 1, 1990: Andy Hawkins throws eight no-hit innings at Comiskey Park and loses, 4-0 to the Whitesox. Sad day for all of us, but especially for me, as the basement in my house had flooded the night before. I didn't even have a basement closet to cry in.

I don't mean to bring up old, horrifying memories; encourage you to remember Stump Merrill....but take a look at Hawkins' two starts after the lost no-hitter:


July 6: the Yanks lose game one of a doubleheader to the Twins, 2-0 in 12 innings (we couldn't stop Gene Larkin: 3-for-4, RBI). What you might not remember is, Hawkins went 11 2/3 innings before allowing run-scoring singles to Brian Harper and Larkin.

11 2/3 innings!

I think it took Jaret Wright five starts in 2006 to get to 11 2/3 innings.

July 12: Hawkins gives up eight earned in 4 1/3 innings in an 8-0 loss. Whitesox pitcher Melido Perez, later a Yankee, throws a no-hitter in six rain-shortened innings.


Quick recap:


Start No. 1 - Throws no-hitter; loses 4-0

Start No. 2 - Pitches 11 2/3 innings, allows two runs with two outs in the 12th inning; loses 2-0

Start No. 3 - Allows eight runs in 4 1/3 innings; loses 8-0; opposing pitcher throws a no-hitter

In these tough economic times....

It's good to just get outside on a rainy day and have a sword fight.

They've got squash

ILTCSC re-visits an old friend

"OK....this is off the record, but I probably find Tim Duncan as boring as you find Tim Duncan. Mrs. Duncan found him boring, too. He has a little trouble getting up and down the court, he doesn't relate very well to the power forwards of this generation and his ears are terrible. But that doesn't relieve you from your responsbility for this material. I'm still waiting for a feature story from some of you. Listen, Gregg Popovich is not joking! This is his job!"

Your Teen Wolf Too Reminder

Saturday Silliness

- Grass: $2 per blade
- Empty soda can (not pictured): $.50
- FOR SALE sign: $15
- *SPECIAL* - entire forest for $1,000