Sep 16, 2016


Alpharetta, GA

Aug 18, 2016


Chicago, IL

Aug 13, 2016

Aug 6, 2016

May 9, 2016

Record review

I'm always looking to add to my record collection, and during trips to Goodwill or a thrift shop will occasionally find a gem.

Now, I'm not talking about something like when I stumbled upon a copy of Led Zeppelin III for $1.

I'm talking about a GEM.

May 9, 2016 was the day I purchased the 1987 Georgio record, "Sex Appeal."

Right away, we see the Sex Appeal, and unfortunately can see one of its nipples

Let's go over a few things:

1. Look at that belt!

That thing has something, but it isn't sex appeal.

I think what it actually has is the ability to hold up a construction worker's pants.

2. Did he just get finished painting....his hair? What is the story with his shorts? And the yellow glove?

3. Look at that belt!

Alright, let's head to the back:

Chest/belt, part 2!

And somehow his shorts contain MORE paint. Did the photographer (back cover says it was Aaron Rapoport) catch Georgio in the act of painting and they both decided "you know what - we're here, you're already painting, want to just shoot the album cover?" ?

On to the music...

Side 1

1 - "Sex Appeal". The title track gives us a nice glimpse of what the entire record is going to be like: bad synthesizers, human moaning (or: a dog tail having to listen to a dog's tail being stepped on) & absurdly long.

So: classic Georgio.

He sounds like something Prince scraped off his shoe.

2 - "Lover's Lane". The best part about this track was Georgio waited about 40 seconds before he began singing. It was a glorious moment in my life that I'll cherish forever.

And then the chorus happened: "Lover's Lane...Lover's Lane...Lover's Lane...Lover's Lane...Lover's Lane...Lover's Lane...Lover's Lane."

Quick conversation between Georgio and his lady friend:

Girl - "Georgio, if my father caught us up here, he'd kill us."

Georgio (monotone) - "Kill us?"

Girl (slightly-less monotone) - "Kill us."

Georgio - "Well don't worry about it baby. Just trust me, OK?"

Girl - "OK."

3 - "1/4 2 9". I don't know what the title is supposed to mean, but my guess is 1/4 of the people who bought this record were deaf and the other 29 thought they were buying a romantic novel-on-record called Georgio.

Lyric of our lifetime: "My father told me that God was great, in which I pray every night, real late." 

4 - "Menage A Trois".

Side 2

5 - "Bed Rock". [Still recovering from 'Menage A Trois', missed most of track]

6 - "Tina". Opening sequence: 15 consecutive seconds of 'work, work, work, work, work, work, work wa-wa-wa-work."

None of this is making any sense at all.

7 - "Hey You". By track 7 Georgio just doesn't care anymore. It's 1987 and he's the next Prince, or at the very least he's hiding in the next studio and stealing from Prince.

At one point during this song, Georgio alternates from saying he's tired to saying he wants to dance. Is he tired or does he want to dance?!

8 - "I Won't Change". Well, I just listened to this entire record, so I already knew that.

An actual lyric from this song:

"Don't you want to see me naked, baby?"

Seen it, Georgio.


Final thought

- This album is categorized as "R&B/Funk". I'll agree on the blues part: this album made me sad. Rhythm? Scary ones, yes, but OK.


What I found in the back of my refrigerator (old pasta) yesterday was funk. I'd like to categorize this music as Post-far and B Fhlump.

Apr 1, 2016

Workout program

Personal trainer Bobby Feathers, creator of world-famous workout videos At Least Do One Sit-up and Now We're Blubbersizing!, presents his third installment, Untitled Workout Video.


Workout: Solo thumb wars - left vs. right.

Diet: For breakfast/lunch, engage in a serious political discussion with a stick of butter. For dinner, watch a Hardees commercial.

Extra-curricular: Seduce a curling iron.


Workout: Sit down(s). Beginners: sit down slowly.

Diet: Breakfast/lunch, drink 3 ounces of beef broth. Dinner, call a random number in the phone book and initiate a conversation about cottage cheese.

Extra-curricular: Improvised whistling for 6 seconds


Workout: Daydream about roller skating.

Diet: For breakfast/lunch/dinner, chew on some notebook paper.

Extra-curricular: Massage a beach towel


Workout: Crawl 3 laps around the dining room table. At the end of each lap, scream the name of your 4th grade teacher. Example: "Mrs. Vanderells!!"

Diet: Breakfast/lunch, celery shavings. For dinner, bathe in soy sauce.

Extra-curricular: High-five practice with your goldfish.


Workout: Knee taps. Do four reps of six knee taps. For beginners: simulated knee tapping.

Diet: For breakfast/lunch, on a piece of paper, write down the name of your favorite salad dressing. For dinner, insult a plate of fat-free turkey bacon.

Extra-curricular: Rehabilitate a dying shampoo bottle.

Jan 24, 2016

Jan 19, 2016

Independent baseball leagues

Chatham (VA) Dillows
Manalapan (NJ) Mustard
Sugarland (TX) Wool
Columbia (TN) Mailboxslugs
Fripp Island (SC) Night
Tusayan (AZ) Ocean Lamps
Missoula (MT) Marvs
Tiverton (RI) Yolk
Provo (UT) Where
Gulfport (MS) Sandscrews

Jan 5, 2016

Illinois-Iowa League

Elmhurst (IL) Armadarks
Cedar Rabids (IA) Glueguns
Waterloo (IA) Wallbruise
Skokie (IL) Bubgums
Sioux City (IA) Carpetsquid
Oskaloosa (IA) Murrays
Joliet (IL) Whitefish
Evanston (IL) Drivewaysnails
Rock Island IL) Yootrow
Dubuque (IA) Crubbs

Derwood Minor Leagues

Jan 3, 2016

Northeast League

Oil City (PA) Hoilers
Morristown (NJ) Ceilingsquirrels
Yonkers (NY) Gravel
Ithaca (NY) Sawdust
Syracuse (NY) Skytrout
West Orange (NJ) Passioncats
Norwich (CT) Darrens
Peekskill (NY) Riverpossum
West Haven (CT) Cake
Jersey City (NJ) Grass Sharks