Jan 10, 2018


Holly tossanturn
erupted from asleep,
a large, furry badgeoffur
atop of her heap;

and underneath her furs
she had curliest of wigs-
asparagus, violet &
silver-spotted wigs.

Holly traveled by-knees
with warts ‘pon her toes
and a possum overcoat
she had borrowed from Rose;

and inside possumcoat
hung a lining of pancakes-
blue & berry, maple
and Jerry sorts of flapjakes.

Down by Holly’s shoetrees
envelopes of laces,
and a clossafull of dungbats
with mediciney faces.

Holly gets to dragging
a cracked, rubbery leg
oozing of syrup,
propped up on a peg.


Holly back in bedsheets
after the harvest of days,
spilling a bedbugget
of Helga’s mayonnaise.

Poor, old Holly

(this morning she’ll eat a dried-up sandwich).

Jan 9, 2018

Basketball phrase diary, part 4

Games played from 12/25 - 1/8/18

USC-New Mexico State, 12/25, ESPN

"a classic stretch four"
"he's known as a shot doctor"
"tremendous wingspan"

San Diego State-Wyoming, 12/27, espn3.com

"nothing but a sea of Aztecs"
"ran out of real estate"
"court vision" (2)
"the Steve Fisher era"
"he's a bulldog to the basket" (2)
"Wyoming came out guns a blazing"
"the main rim protector"
"road warriors"
"sharp shooting sniper uncorked"


"high-low action"
"still trying to get his game legs"
"hero ball"

Kennesaw State-Mercer, 12/28, espn3.com

"chip on their shoulder"
"European stretch four"
"dribble drive" (4)


"help the helper"
"high ceiling"
"the turnover bug"

NJTI-Buffalo, 12/28, espn3.com

"he's been Tarke the shark, taking a bite out of the stat sheet"


"able to stroke it from down deep"
"high IQ play"
"alligator arms"
"they're a young program starting to grow their roots"
"wall up"
"bonus basketball"

West Virginia-Oklahoma State, 12/29, ESPNU

"18 game grind" (2)
"hedging ball screen"
"a nose dive into the hardwood"
"the Mount Rushmore of college basketball"
"waxed poetic"
"ball hawk"
"create help situations"

Youngstown State-Cleveland State, 1/1/18, The Horizon League on espn3

"a perimeter big"
"a silent run"

Pat Vuyancih Specials

"even if he's moving, he's in set position"
"it's designed to force Youngstown State to shoot, which is not their strength"

"the left-handed bunny"
"the man with the hot hand"
"he has really grown his game"
"down in the trenches"

Rutgers-Purdue, 1/3, Big 10 Network

Brandon Gaudin & Stephen Bardo:

"glue guy" (2)
"pick your poison"
"physicality" (2)
"I know we throw around basketball IQ a lot, but Purdue has it"
"out-toughs them"
"he threw that chicken wing there"
"here's a leak out"
"block party"
"razzle dazzle"
"they bring their lunchpails every day"
"hostile environment" (2)
"wore my emotions on my sleeve"
"shooting themselves in the foot"
"body balance"
"the Big 10 slate is always a gauntlet"

Omaha women-South Dakota State, 1/3, MidCo Sports Network

"pace of play"
"live ball turnovers" (3)
"true back to the basket player"
"you look at her and she's going to do what she did right there, and that's basket cut"


"active with her hands"
"the announcer jinx"
"blow by"
"concussion symptoms"

Drake women-Southern Illinois, 1/7, The Valley on espn3

"exciting brand of basketball"
"rhythm shooter"
"all-airport team" (?)
"euro step"
"next man up mentality"
"selling the flop"
"cleaning up the slop down low"
"a coach's kid"
"crash the glass"
"great catch and shoot player"

Stanford women-Arizona State, 1/7, ESPN

Andy Landers Special

"I always though freshmen were the spice of basketball" (?)

"the Stanford style"
"fundamentally sound"
"instant offense"
"she made herself available to the basketball"
"little pick and pop"
"finish the drill"

Navy-Colgate, 1/8, Patriot League Network

Erik Malinowski:

"court awareness"
"triple town" (5)
"competitive fire"
"gets some road lovin from the rim"


"looking to salt this game away"
"the ticky tack variety"

Jan 4, 2018

Wedding announcement

Los Angeles Angels outfielder Mike Trout has accepted a marriage proposal from 44-year old M.J. Lloyd of New Orleans. The two have known each other since Trout's senior year at Millville High School in New Jersey when Lloyd showed up to the school's prom with a cardboard cutout of Trout glued to his bare chest.

"It was a match made at my Uncle Murray's house," said Lloyd at the time. "That's where I had the cutout made and Murray did the gluing in the driveway before the limo came."

The two drifted apart after Trout was selected in the first round of the 2009 MLB Draft by the Angels and Lloyd began his career as an Applebees hostess impersonating an Elvis impersonator, coining the phrase "thank you, thank you very much for coming."

Trout would become one of the top players in baseball, while also becoming one of the country's most eligible bachelors, finishing first in his living room for five consecutive weeks on the reality TV show Watching 'The Bachelor'.

Little did Trout know, but his old flame was also watching Trout's television, from a Japanese maple, on the reality show Watching Mike Trout Watch Things. The two have been inseparable ever since.

"His eyes were so bloodshot, I had him come inside and I picked all of the leaves out of his ears. Then I realized how much I had missed him," said Trout. "Also, he had a fun size Butterfinger in his beard, so, he asked me to share a meal, and his life, although most of the Butterfinger had been eaten."

The pair hasn't yet set a date for the wedding, though Lloyd has suggested June, 2018, after his team's two decade-long wiffle ball season finally commences. Lloyd is the team's all-time leader in outfield fall downs with 117 and hangons (46), including a league-record 28 Hang On I Think I Was Stung By Somethings.

Pastor Rico Yetz

is expected to preside over the wedding.

Dec 28, 2017

Online dating profile

Own a 2005 Toyota Corolla

* Less than 135,000 miles

Knowing exactly when the lady at China Buffet is going to drop a new tray of teriyaki chicken

Missouri Valley Conference softball trivia

movies - Teen Wolf Too

Hearing someone say how they could never do without their morning coffee; someone immediately agreeing; my car doors


picking out my outfit for Saturday night

you LOVE the San Jose Sharks

Dec 26, 2017

Hosticle Fifer

There was a slower joe
(in the city of Fred snow)

who while a row
in her Cano
would change channoes,
of her favored pig chair shows,
with her noses and toes.

Her name was Hosticle Fifer.

Hosticle lived
up the riv
from Irwins
and nurses Viv & Aunt Niv,
so she never had hanging time for a wifer.

She had found a young soup ladel once,
in the forest,
Miss Horace,
but Hosticle's soups sent her packin' -

she had too many warts on her heels
(and her hears)
and twice the many hairs on her backin!

Dec 24, 2017

An evening of football phrases

Houston-Fresno State in the Hawaii Bowl, Chris Cotter & Rod Gilmore on the call for ESPN:


"described as a lunch pail guy"
"that defense bows up"
"putting the ball on the carpet"
"Hokit is running with abandon right now!"
"Xs and Os"


"we talk about a guy who brings everything to the package" (pardon?)

On Houston's Ed Oliver:

"relentless motor"
"Fresno State coaches love his motor"
"we told you about his motor!"

"royalty in that DNA"
"timeout in your back pocket"
"throwing into the teeth of an eight-man coverage"
"a little buzz, a little action out of his team...a little tempo"