Editor-in-chief: Dr. Edith Granch

Staff writers: Yolanda Aquayo, Vivian Crong, Vito Shelby, Dwayne Durly
Has Anyone Seen My Shoe? correspondent: Kerwin Daniels (missing since March, 2012)
Napkins: Bobby Feathers
Assistant napkins: Ricardo Muffins

Napkin interns: Darren Durly, Jo he-jo Pong
Texas A&M University correspondent:  Ellis Yaycheeze


Mustard packet mug shots: Ernie Early


: Clem Saturday
Assistant gravel: P.J. Wheat

Gravel waterfall resorts travel agent: Schlofko Martinez
Eating contest judge: Ezra Yoss
GravelTV anchor: Tito Tru
Gravel intern: Corbin Pearsall


Photography editor: Akash Shimarod

Staff photographers: Moises Hoyt, Poog Cronin, Bob Nerwin
Dandelion photography: Rochelle Peeney

Lettuce-on-railroad-tracks photography: Oliver Peach

Photography interns supervisor: Olivia Maple
Photography interns: Aogi Sims, Benny Clay


VP in charge of pointing: Melanie Garrison

Pointing at leaves: Steve

Pointing at menus:
Diane & Brent Gullickson
Pointing at road signs: Dante Zimecki
Staff Pointer: Victor Corey

Pointing intern: Dimitri Kasbar

Door-to-door doorbell ringing

(January-March): Emmit Corey
(April-June): Barbara Blue
(July-September): Keisha Mycoos
(October-November): Edith Lez

(December): Edward Lenzo

Andrea Fleming fan club 

President: Dotttie Glaze
Vice president: Lobbo Blongamyre

Treasurer: Peebo Zegg
Interns: Lawrence Tito, Rochelle Pleech

Rain puddle eulogies: Yoyo Salazar
Pizza box eating contest historian: Otis Peakaboo
At the bus stop: Emmit Shouse

Pelican relations: Joe Maglio

Classified ads: Bobby
Mustard water rehabilitation center director: Madeline Maddox

Portraits of Jay Wetzler: Oz Yorlap
Assistant to Oz Yorlap: Levon L. Kudge

Ferman Joel impersonator: Miranda Clack
Celery: itself

Door-to-door toast crumb collections: Edna Zood
Ice cube futures: Junior A. Sherman
S.P.C.S. (Separation of Paper Clips & Soup) director: Bethany Otto
Naps: Chuck Rockaloo

Disappointed head shakes: Fern Gary

Applesauce sombrero marketing team: Noodles Cronin, Pablo Yaz
Pastrami slippers: Hubert Kittles
Clipboard smells: Dr. Oscar Rainbow

House Band: Peggy Cliff All Star Jam Band
What's under my couch? correspondent: Grongo Zax
WUC assistant: Eugene Crotz

Evening look out: Jojo Walderson

Otis Lazlo biographer: Yoyo Salazar Jr.

Goldfish names


K-P: Helen Aulkerson

Q-U: Oyoyo Coles
V-Z: Lavelle Rondo

Goldfish legal rights: Jobeek Alomar
Envelope wading pool team: Harriet Hay, Jay Maglio
F.A.I.O. (Fathers Against Infant Odors) president: Cedric Crisp
Wayne supervisor: Wayne Kervin

Wayne stand-ins: Wayne Ezzleroth, Wayne Blinky
Wayne intern: Wayne Sawgrass
Green Beans The Musical director: T.K. Sherby

Ranch Goggles: Wyatt Kurr Jr.
Practice shots: Bernie Quinn

Directions to Didi Avery’s apartment: Danielle Winseed
K.S.C. (Keeping Snowmen Cold) founder/president: Brevin Tong
Assistant to Angelique Shaw:


Commissioner: Odel Drake
Head referee: Cito Clyde

Hall of Fame director: Evelyn Shouse

Special division

Naming ice cubes, A-G:  Everett Yuel
H-N: Pepe Tiggs
O-T: Derwood

U-Z: Shay Carbo
Ice cube eulogies: McQweese Lood


I'd Like To Change Some Classes ( - founded on Hayleigh Day, 2009

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