Editor-in-chief: Dr. Edith Granch

Staff writers: Darren Durly, Yolanda Aguayo, Vito Shelby, Dwayne Durly
Has Anyone Seen My Shoe? correspondent: Kerwin Daniels (missing since March, 2012)
Napkins: Bobby Feathers
Napkin interns: Farrah Perr, Otis Peakaboo, Jo he-jo Pong
Texas A&M University correspondent:  Ellis Yaycheeze


Mustard packet mug shots: Ernie Early


(section 1): Trevin Corey
(section 2): Connie Simsall
(section 2A): Ezra Yoss
(section 3A): T.K. Nitsimmons
Assistant gravel: Clem Saturday

Gravel waterfall resorts travel agent: Schlofko Martinez


Photography editor: Akash Shimarod

Staff photographers: Moises Hoyt, Poog Cronin, Bob Nerwin
Lettuce-on-railroad-tracks photography: Vivian Crong
Photography intern: Olivia Maplescratch


VP in charge of pointing: Melanie Garrison
Pointing at leaves: Steve
Staff Pointer: Joe Maglio
Pointing intern: Dimitri Kasbar

Bread crusts

(January-March): Emmit Corey
(April-June): Ferman Joel
(July-September): Keisha Kyle
(October-November): Edith Lez

(December): Emmit Shouse

Musical weather reports: Angelo Tweez

Vanessa Harvey fan club president: Dottie Glaze
Vice president: Lobbo Blongamyre
Applesauce sombrero marketing team: Noodles Cronin, Pablo Yaz
Rain puddle eulogies: Yoyo Salazar
Pelican relations: Victor Corey

Classified ads: Derwood Morris
Mustard water rehabilitation center director: Madeline Maddox
Herself: Val 
Portraits of Jay Wetzler: Oz Yorlap
Door-to-door toast crumb collections: Edna Zood
Ice cube futures: Junior A. Sherman

Disappointed head shakes: Fern Gary
Clipboard smells: Dr. Oscar Rainbow

House Band: Peggy Cliff All Star Jam Band
What's under my couch? correspondent: Grongo Zax
Assistant to Mr. Zax: Dermot Walderson

Otis Lazlo biographer: Yoyo Salazar Jr.

Goldfish names


K-P: Helen Aulkerson
Q-U: Oyoyo Coles
V-Z: Lavelle Rondo

Envelope wading pool team: Harriet Hay, Jay Maglio
Wayne supervisor: Wayne Kervin

Wayne stand-ins: Wayne Ezzleroth, Wayne Blinky
Ranch Goggles: Wyatt Kurr Jr.
Practice shots: Bernie Quinn

Directions to Clarke Avery’s apartment: Danielle Winseed
Assistant to Angelique Shaw:


Commissioner: Odel Drake
Head referee: Cito Clyde
Hall of Fame director: Evelyn Shouse

Special division

Naming ice cubes, A-K:  Everett Yuel
L-Q: Derwood

R-Z: Shay Carbo
Ice cube eulogies: Didi Jermong

I'd Like To Change Some Classes ( - founded on Hayleigh Day, 2009

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