Dec 20, 2014

Perfect game

Dwight Gooden

* Submitted by ILTCSC reader Capolo Henderson

Dec 19, 2014

Recent additions to "Football Phrases"

"They're stalking bigger game"
"He's got a little hitch in his giddy-up"
"Pre-snap information"
"In the SEC you've got to bring your lunch every day"
"Banana route"
"Lightning package"

Complete list

Dec 17, 2014

Don't name him that

The Dennis Durly Memorial Tournament

About two years ago, I began sending away for information from colleges and universities in the hopes of building a vast collection of envelopes/school information packets with various "prospective students' names" on the address labels.

Items like this

started arriving in my mailbox, and after nearly one hundred of these special little somebodies, the lovely and talented Shivanti put together a collage of some of the best envelope pieces, or Envelopieces (coined just a few seconds ago).

I found 32 schools in that collage and turned that into a mens basketball tournament.

For seeding, I looked at each school's W-L record through the games of December 16.

Let's take a look at the left side of the bracket:

Bracket notes:

* Wichita State grabbed the No. 1 overall seed based on the fact that the Shockers are the only tournament team ranked in the Associated Press Top 25 and were 8-1 so far in 2014.
* Three schools - Le Cordon Bleu Culinary School, Harrison College and Soka University - don't have basketball teams, so Wichita and the other No. 1 seed, Iowa, along with No. 2 seed Clemson, received first-round byes. When asked to comment on his team receiving a first-round bye in this tournament, Iowa coach Fran McCaffery refused to return any of my phone calls. By the way, Fran is a girl's name.
* North Idaho is off to a 12-1 start and as a result was rewarded with a No. 2 seed, though North is a junior college, so there are some skeptics.

First up for the Cardinals is No. 7 seed Trinity Western. Win that, and No. 6 George Fox could be waiting in the round of 16 with the winner taking home the old Rusted Thingy In The Garage.
* No. 3 Toledo vs. No. 6 Maine is the only first-round match up where the combined syllables in the names of teams is less than five, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

And here's the right side of the bracket:

Bracket notes:

* The other three teams rewarded with No. 1 seeds were TCU, 10-0 so far in 2014, Kansas State and No. 2 seed UNLV. All three received first-round byes against Brown College of Court Reporting, Devry and Hawaii Community College.
* If several upsets occur, No. 5 Montana State and No. 6 Wilmington would meet in the Elite 8 in a game that is already being billed as the game that will be watched while making The Sandwich Of The Century.

Dec 10, 2014

Don't name them that

Philadelphia 76ers edition

Nerlens Noel
Hollis Thompson
JaKarr Sampson

Dec 4, 2014

Beach pepper

* Found at approximately 3:44 pm on Tybee Island, GA

Nov 27, 2014

Recent additions to 'Football Phrases'

"That consistency has a lot to do with his motor"
"Iron sharpens iron"
"He brings the thump"
"A 243-pound freight train"
"Legion of Boom"

Complete list

Nov 22, 2014


Below is the final "football" count for CBS analyst Gary Danielson during Saturday's Mississippi-Arkansas game.

First half

Total times said: 17

As in "this football game" - 5
As in "this football team" - 4
In reference to the actual football - 6
In reference to a football player - 1
"SEC Football" - 1

Second half

Total times said: 19

"Football game" - 9
"Football team" - 4
The ball - 5
"Arkansas Football" - 1

Final Count

36 footballs

Nov 14, 2014

Additions to the ILTCSC glossary

"A real Herbert Klumm" - the act of wearing more than one pair of blue jeans at a time
Bbqchippass - a person who, when they die, wishes to be buried under a pile of barbecue potato chips
Forkcroon - to serenade a salad fork
Latorman - half-man, half-escalator


Nov 4, 2014

Recent additions to 'Baseball Phrases'

"Baseball intelligentsia"
"Wears his emotions on his sleeve"
"Dead arm"
"High sky"
"Good pitching beats good hitting"
"Sitting dead red"
"The city by the Bay"
"Big Game James Shields"

What Ernie Johnson calls Cal Ripken on TBS broadcasts

"Iron Man"

The complete list

Nov 3, 2014


Below is the final "Ben" count for NBC announcers Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth when discussing quarterback Ben Roethlisberger during Sunday's Pittsburgh-Baltimore game.

First half Ben Count

Total times said: 23 times during seven Steelers drives
Michaels: 12 Bens
Collinsworth: 11 Bens
Average Bens/drive: 3.2

Second half Ben Count

Total times said: 14 times during five Steelers drives
Michaels: 7 Bens
Collinsworth: 7 Bens
Average Bens/drive: 2.8

Final Ben Count

37 Bens

Ben of the night

Collinsworth: "You know, those 'Ben being Ben' plays."

Congratulations gentleman!

Oct 25, 2014

Gus Gustavson: RIP

Career boxing record: 112-1
Record vs. teen wolves: 0-1

* Inducted into Neemitz Academy Athletic Hall of Fame in July, 1988

Oct 23, 2014

Recent additions to 'Football Phrases'

"The ol' ball coach"
"Big Ben"
"He's a football doctor carving up defenses with surgical precision"
"A gaggle of wide receivers"
"That was shankopotamus from the get-go"
"Chunky yardage"

Complete list

Oct 14, 2014

Recent additions to Baseball Phrases

"Spikes pointing to the heavens"
"Pitch to the ballpark"
"Crooked number"
"The Mendoza Line"
"Herky jerky"
"12-to-6 curve ball"

Complete list

Oct 11, 2014

Things I heard one lady say during a volleyball match

"One at a time"  -  said 18 times

"Move your feet!"  -  10

"Side out!"  -  8

Other quotes:

"This is our time"
"Make it work"
"Lots of energy"
"Stay calm"
"Everybody's on the line"
"Everyone moving!"
"Be the ball"
"Take it back"
"Got to step up"
"If you're not moving you're not helping!"
"Good push"
"Shake it off!"
"Come on blockers!"

Oct 3, 2014

Sports autographs for sale

Jim Snyder 1989 Topps card

* Comes with one toothbrush (slightly used)

I'd be willing to part with the card for any Iowa phone book 1998 or back
Clayton  555-0013

Oct 1, 2014

Recent additions to 'Football Phrases'

"College football landscape"
"He's throwing hospital balls"
"He was poised to house it"
"Ghost motion"
"Hit in the dentures"
"Trucking the defender"
"That pass had too much sauce on it"
"They need more eye discipline"

The complete list

Sep 28, 2014

Emails with the Duke Divinity School

September 22, 2014 − 2:34 p.m.

Dear Salad T. Ong,

Greetings from Duke Divinity School!

Thank you for your interest, to learn more about application requirements and deadlines, please visit our Application Information page. If you have questions, please do not hesitate to contact us. We are always happy to hear from you! 

Peace and grace,

Paige N.E. Anderson, M.T.S.
Director of Admissions Operations

September 22, 2014 − 3:11 p.m.


God be with you, and also with you.

Is there a chance for me to enroll in Spring, 2015 semester? Also, does Duke Divinity School have a men's basketball team? If so, I would like to try out.

In god's great grace ("GGG"),

September 23, 2014 − 10:50 a.m.

Greetings Salad,

Thank you for your response and interest in Duke Divinity!  We unfortunately do not offer Spring admissions. All of our degree programs start in the Fall. We do have application deadlines starting as soon as November for the Master of Divinity.  As for the basketball team, Duke Divinity does not have a basketball team because it is situated right on Duke University’s campus and is a part of the Duke community so as a student you are able to enjoy Duke Blue Devils basketball.

If you have any other questions please do not hesitate to ask!


Kate S. Grimmett
Administrative Assistant
Duke Divinity Office of Admissions

September 23, 2014 − 11:01 a.m.

OK, thank you.

Just one more question: have a group of students in the Divinity school ever challenged the Duke men's basketball team to a game?

If they did, please send me a link where I could view the box score.

Trusting in Jesus,

September 23, 2014 − 2:23 p.m.

Greetings Salad,

Thank you for your questions but I do not think that has ever happened. 

If you have any more questions about the application process please do not hesitate to ask!

Kate S. Grimmett

September 24, 2014 − 11:53 a.m.

Until I see a box score I will have to assume that it HAS happened and that the Duke men's team was so embarrassed by the defeat that they destroyed all evidence of the game ever taking place.

On a related note, do you think the Duke's men's team has ever cheated during a game? Point shaving, using ineligible players, "loaded shorts"?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this potentially ground-breaking sports story, and the possibility of a Duke Divinity team taking over for the Duke men's team when NCAA sanctions are inevitably handed down.

In Jesus,

September 24, 2014 - 12:50 p.m.

Greetings Salad,

Unfortunately our office is not an authority on anything that happens with Duke Basketball.  I encourage you to contact the Athletic Department directly if you wish to have these questions answered.


Duke Divinity Office of Admissions

September 24, 2014 − 2:49 p.m.

You’re hiding something, that has been made abundantly clear.

I'm just going to show up to Duke’s first practice with evidence and wearing my Duke Divinity Basketball t-shirt.

Thank you and go Divines! (new mascot for Duke Divinity School basketball team).

Through Him,
Salad T. Ong

Sep 24, 2014

Sports autographs for sale

* Autographed by Steve Smith, Auburn Executive Director of Basketball; personalized to Sarah
* Included in deal: 2013-2014 Auburn basketball yearbook

I'm looking for either $5 or the episode of Garfield and Friends when Garfield watches a horror movie while Jon goes shopping (Season 1, episode 4). Preferably on VHS.
Sarah  555-2991

Sep 23, 2014

Recent additions to 'Football Phrases'

"Character plays"
"Self-inflicted wounds"
"A punter's chance"
"Honor his legs"
"Win first down"
"You just wanna get north-south"
"Dynamic sideline presence"
"Rub routes"
"It's a wordy offense"

The complete list

Sep 21, 2014

Sep 12, 2014

Roller hockey notebook

Live: The Cooler Hockey Rink & Sticky Floor Palace
(Alpharetta, GA)

Total falldowns (11)

#97, black - 3
#7, black - 3

[#7, black, right before falling]

#29, black - 2
Cremins, Team Russo    - 1
(No #), Team Russo - 1
Ryan, Team Russo - 1

Action photographs

Sports autographs for sale

* With famous "#0" tag
* Comes with about 1/2 can of shaving cream

50 peanut shells or best offer
Mo  555-2009

Sep 9, 2014

Sports autographs for sale

* From the Kerwin Daniels Collection, personalized to Kerwin
* Has some barbecue sauce on it

Asking for between 10-15 of those snap bracelets from the 80s
Eddie  555-3392

Sep 6, 2014

Don't stand like that

while refereeing a football game