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Atlanta, GA

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Atlanta, GA

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Chamblee, GA

Clump East wins Shimples crown

By L. Vivian Crugg
Staff correspondent

CLUMP COUNTY - Dolph Wingo's diving ankle pinch with six finger snaps left in the 7th and final stanza gave Clump East an 11-9 victory over Murdock in the Shimples League championship game Wednesday. Wingo, who used a salami blinding to reach Murdock territory with 10 seconds to go and the game tied at 9-9, pinched backfield floater Meredith Jelznick on the left ankle and the Muskrats celebrated the franchise's first championship since 2001. 

"That's why we signed (Wingo) in the off-season and gave him a guaranteed contract made of cheese," said Clump East manager Connie Yi, whose team will bring the Derwood Trophy north of the bacon-wrapped scallop line for the first time since 2010. "He's one of the best this game has ever seen."

Murdock built a 9-4 lead early in the 6th stanza, thanks to Beverly Houk, who had a forehead pinch and two nostril scratches to move into fourth place on the all-time list for face contact. Clump East pulled even early in the 7th after the mother of Murdock middle-crawler Otto Perne ran onto the field to remove a clump of dirt from Perne's face with a moistened tissue. Deloris Perne's infraction, which could've led to Murdock's disqualification, was reduced to a hysterical trespassing foul after a last-second penguin bribe.

"Put in your story how well my son played. He's a good boy," she said.

Wingo was also the hero in Clump East's semi final win over South Maglio as the middle crawler's successful VCR toss late in the 1st stanza of extra snaps put the Muskrats in the title game. The 33-year old Wingo, who is the tallest player in league history (8 road cones), dedicated Saturday's victory to his electric razor, which finally stopped working Friday afternoon.

"This is for Veronica," Wingo said.

Clump East is planning a parade through the alley of raccoons on Friday, starting at 9:00 a.m. when the team will be given the peas to the city

"We're going to paint the town red. Literally," said Yi. "I'm not sure it's allowed, by law, but we bought 500 gallons of paint and we're certainly not going to let the players drink it. We don't want another 2016."

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 Chamblee, GA

Umpire not doing much of anything, still disliked by fans

Despite having not umpired a game in several months, Wes Huntley hasn't been able to escape fan's criticism. Huntley, who was about to begin his eighth season as an umpire in various independent leagues in Georgia and Tennessee when the outbreak of the coronavirus cancelled sports worldwide, said he is still experiencing heckling and taunting in his everyday life.

"It's been tough. I was at the post office and a guy was remembering a call I had made in a game in 2016 and he said 'how much were they paying you?!' And I said 'I'm not exactly sure what my salary was in 2016.' He didn't like that," said Huntley, 45.

While having his 2005 Toyota Corolla serviced in early-March, Huntley asked about oil change prices and pointed at the menu.

"The mechanic yelled 'that was a ball!'" Huntley said. "I was confused, but I asked him if he could just tell me how much a premium oil change would be as compared to a regular oil change and he started booing. It's something every day."

It hasn't been all about baseball when it comes to the taunts of local residents. While interviewing Huntley for this story outside his Clarkston, GA home, local resident Claire Bancroft yelled "you call that walking a dog?! You stink!"

Even far from his two-bedroom home, Huntley can't escape the fans.

"I visited my optometrist yesterday morning, he's probably a half-hour, maybe 40 minutes from my house. A few people were outside the doctor's office, screaming things like 'get a pair of glasses!'. And I was like, 'that's what I'm doing,'" said Huntley.

Like all umpires, Huntley is looking forward to getting back to calling games, whenever that may be.

"There's only so many times I can dust off the home plate I installed in my living room, or call time while my dog rests on the sidewalk," Huntley said. "Plus, the other day while I was carrying several bags of groceries into my home my neighbor Ken, who is usually a pretty nice guy, kept telling me to ask for help. The season can't start soon enough."

Don't stand like that