The Dennis Durly Memorial Tournament

About two years ago, I began sending away for information from colleges and universities in the hopes of building a vast collection of envelopes/school information packets with various "prospective students' names" on the address labels.

Items like this

started arriving in my mailbox, and after nearly one hundred of these special little somebodies, the lovely and talented Shivanti put together a collage of some of the best envelope pieces, or Envelopieces (coined just a few seconds ago).

I found 32 schools in that collage and turned that into a mens basketball tournament.

For seeding, I looked at each school's W-L record through the games of December 16.

Let's take a look at the left side of the bracket:

Bracket notes:

* Wichita State grabbed the No. 1 overall seed based on the fact that the Shockers are the only tournament team ranked in the Associated Press Top 25 and were 8-1 so far in 2014.
* Three schools - Le Cordon Bleu Culinary School, Harrison College and Soka University - don't have basketball teams, so Wichita and the other No. 1 seed, Iowa, along with No. 2 seed Clemson, received first-round byes. When asked to comment on his team receiving a first-round bye in this tournament, Iowa coach Fran McCaffery refused to return any of my phone calls. By the way, Fran is a girl's name.
* North Idaho is off to a 12-1 start and as a result was rewarded with a No. 2 seed, though North is a junior college, so there are some skeptics.

First up for the Cardinals is No. 7 seed Trinity Western. Win that, and No. 6 George Fox could be waiting in the round of 16 with the winner taking home the old Rusted Thingy In The Garage.
* No. 3 Toledo vs. No. 6 Maine is the only first-round match up where the combined syllables in the names of teams is less than five, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.


And here's the right side of the bracket:

Bracket notes:

* The other three teams rewarded with No. 1 seeds were TCU, 10-0 so far in 2014, Kansas State and No. 2 seed UNLV. All three received first-round byes against Brown College of Court Reporting, Devry and Hawaii Community College.
* If several upsets occur, No. 5 Montana State and No. 6 Wilmington would meet in the Elite 8 in a game that is already being billed as the game that will be watched while making The Sandwich Of The Century.

Dennis Durly's Last Day

Dennis Durly’s last day on earth was documented by roommate & biographer L. Vivian Crugg in her diary.

JULY 30, 2014 

9:25 a.m. - Durly wakes up in his mashed potato bed.

9:29 a.m. – Brushes teeth with July 29 issue of Kaynesport Times newspaper.

9:51 a.m. - Usual breakfast of eggshells with some mashed potatoes. 

10:35 a.m. – Morning walk around his mailbox.

10:36 a.m. – Motivational speech given to his driveway.

10:39 – motor oil stains are not your fault

11:03 – remaining gravel together

11:48 a.m. – While searching in his attic, Durly finds what he was looking for: the attic window.

12:12 p.m. - Durly marries his high school sweetheart’s math book, Algebra 1. 

1:21 p.m. - The newlyweds honeymoon on the roof of the Protractor Shop on 7th Street. 

1:44 p.m. - Durly casted as the lead in the upcoming production of Briefcase of a Salesman. 

2:02 p.m. – During first rehearsal, falls into a pool of ketchup (not in script). 

2:18 p.m. - Eats his way out of ketchup pool. Declares himself mayor of Ketchup Town and it’s only living resident. 

2:33 p.m. - Impeached (caught eating mustard). 
2:34 p.m. - 3:00 p.m. - Mustard nap

3:04 p.m. - Publicly shamed, Algebra 1 files for divorce. 

3:17 p.m. - Custody battle begins over the former couple’s son, toaster. 

3:40 p.m. - Toaster ordered to live with Algebra 1. 

3:43 p.m. - Algebra 1 ordered to live with Carlton Blakeley. 

3:46 p.m. - Carlton Blakeley reported missing. 

4:06 p.m. - Durly kidnapped by musical group The Kidnappers. 

4:18 p.m. - Durly’s most-prized possessions-a photograph of a trumpet and an autographed copy of Robert Halden’s book Championship Prison Miniature Golf Teams-sold at an auction for $14. 

4:29 p.m. - Durly’s bath tub insurance policy lapses. 

5:22 p.m. - Durly returned, but to the wrong house. He is missing one of his own ears, but is holding a bag containing three ears. Also, the word ‘onion’ is branded on his forehead in onions. 

5:46 p.m. - Befriends his first mailbox, Darren.

6:23 p.m. - Darren leaves Durly for a better patch of grass. 

6:29 p.m. - Heartbroken, Durly eats an entire tub of mayonnaise. 

6:33 p.m. - 7:05 p.m. - Mayonnaise nap. 

7:33 p.m. - NEWS BULLETIN: GUSTY WINDS EXPECTED 

7:49 p.m. - Durly reported dead of penguin overdose. 

8:02 p.m. - Reporter of Durly’s penguin overdose reported 

napping. 

8:55 p.m. - Durly’s funeral cancelled due to lack of penguin 

ushers.