Found nametags

Team Mom

Don't name them that

7%

Additions to the ILTCSC glossary

Digcream - to dig through a pot of sour cream in the hopes of finding your car keys
Joorfitz - to have a recurring dream where you marry a postage stamp

Latorman - half-man, half-escalator
Utahoops - mistaking a middle-aged man for a map of the state of Utah

Full glossary

Don't name her that

Draft analysis

1st overall pick: New Jersey - Rico Yetz Jr., Blum Valley Community College (Oggsbo campus). Yetz Jr. is hoping to follow in the salamandersteps of his father Rico and become a Derner League All Star as a rookie. He'll join a roster already packed with veteran necktie eating contest competitors. Married a half-mile of pavement on the side of the Glenn Memorial Highway (March, 2012).

No. 2: Edmonton (from San Anchulioh) - Carlo Cline, NACL Idelby Spartans. Cline shot an 82 and an 84 in the Southwest Regional guacamole scoop-and-toss in February, and won achievement awards in 2009, 2010 and 2013 for Most Hair Eaten off of Ronnie McClendon's Head during MHermh's annual luncheons.

No. 3: Unified Team 21-Under - Bobby Biagi, Stanford. Biagi is a fourth-generation paint can pincher and should fit perfectly on a young and exiting Unified Team. Was declared 41% canned beef from 2009-2008, and that number rose to 47% in September, 2010.

No. 4: Asia - Kim, no college. Won the Sanchules Belt in 2013 before nearly overdosing on wall sealant during the post-fight celebration. Presided over the first grass clump wedding in June, 1979 and once impersonated a turkey hoagie at a sandwich shop for a store-record 18 minutes 39 seconds.

That's just about enough of the nonsense