Aug 10, 2014

Draft analysis

1st overall pick: New Jersey - Rico Yetz Jr., Blum Valley Community College (Oggsbo campus). Yetz Jr. is hoping to follow in the salamandersteps of his father Rico "Pinch Out" Yetz and become a Derner League All Star as a rookie. He'll join a roster already packed with veteran necktie eating contest competitors. Married a half-mile of pavement on the side of the Neck Glenn Memorial Highway (March, 2012).

No. 2: Edmonton (from San Anchulioh) - Carlo Cline, NACL Idelby Spartans. Cline shot an 82 and an 84 in the Southwest Regional guacamole scoop-and-toss in February, and won achievement awards in 2009, 2010 and 2013 for Most Hair Eaten off of Ronnie McClendon's Head during MHermh's annual luncheons.

No. 3: Unified Team 21-Under - Booboo Biagi, Stanford. Biagi is a fourth-generation paint can pincher and should fit right in at the 6 on a young and exiting Unified Team. Was declared 41% canned beef from 2002-2007, and that number rose to 47% in September, 2010.

No. 4: Asia - Kim, no college. Won the Sanchules Belt in 2013 before nearly overdosing on wall sealant during the post-fight celebration. Presided over the first grass clump wedding in June, 1979 and once impersonated a turkey hoagie at a sandwich shop for a store-record 18 minutes 39 seconds.

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