Your AARP card, Mr. Birsnesst

NEN bracket released

The bracket for the 2017 Napkin Eating Nationals has been released. Eight regional winners, including defending national champion and No. 3 seed Pablo Yaz, will compete in the single-elimination event beginning with quarterfinal match ups on February 4.

Committee chairman Darren Drew declined an interview, but did throw several cherries.

Sports photos by Bobby Feathers

Lyelson Eats Most Aardvarks

History was made in Malik County early Sunday morning as Warren Lyleson became the oldest champion at Aardvark Eating Contest Nationals. Lyleson, 53, had been eating aardvarks competitively for just 16 months before stunning the crowd of guys named Steve with a North American-record 11 A.C.2.H. (aardvarks consumed in two hours), which clinched the Denny Cup.

"I was stunned," said Steve Klein, who looked more stunned than Steve Leonard.

"I'm stunned you would write that," added Steve Leonard.

Lyleson, who Tuesday was playing for the Make A Wish With Someone Else's Birthday Cake Foundation, moves on to the international competition June 7-11. He'll compete against three-time world champion Liu Ting Yi, and radio contest winner Wendy Marsden, who last month guessed correctly ‘Beto and the Fairlanes’.

Lyleson's trainer - a poster board containing the lyrics to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ - was unavailable for comment.