College football's bowl season kicks off Saturday with the New Mexico Bowl, and finishes up right around Easter. We've got you covered for all 34 bowls.
New Mexico - Wyoming vs. Temple
Temple has the 7th-best rushing offense in the nation, led by Bernard Pierce, who rushed for over 1,232 yards and 20 TD, (his 149 yards and five-TD performance against Maryland didn't count because of the new Maryland Rule™). Meanwhile, Wyoming's rush defense is sixth-worst (230 yards/game), though the Cowboys are 1-0 all-time in the New Mexico Bowl.
That might just about do it for actual statistics.
Famous Idaho Potato - Ohio vs. Utah State
I'm not sure Idaho potatoes are even famous anymore. It's time for us to find something else Idaho can do. Great bowl name, part 1: Utah State quarterback Chuckie Keeton.
New Orleans - Louisiana-Lafayette vs. San Diego State
Travel fact: terrible teams from California never do well when they have to fly across country and play equally-terrible teams.
Beef O'Brady's - Florida International vs. Marshall
Chili dog recipe
- 1 hot dog
- 1 hot dog bun
- Ground beef
- Chili O'Clock™ hat
Put on hat. Make chili, preferably in a bath tub. Heat up hot dog, pour chili on top of hot dog. Serves one.
Poinsettia - TCU vs. Louisiana Tech
Hey, TCU: congratulations on a 10-win season that included a conference championship and a road win over No. 5 Boise State. Now, go play Louisiana Tech on a Wednesday in the Poinsettia Bowl.
Maaco - Boise State vs. Arizona State
Hey, Boise State: congratulations, you won 11 games, including beating Georgia, and were a one-point loss from going undefeated. Now, go play 6-6 Arizona State in the Maaco Bowl.
Hawaii - Southern Mississippi vs. Nevada
Southern Miss somehow lost to Marshall and UAB.
Great bowl name, part 2: Southern Miss defensive back Furious Bradley.
Independence - Missouri vs. North Carolina
How to get a cat down from a roof:
Climb up onto the roof and grab the thing before it runs away. While still holding the cat, get down from the roof.
Little Caesars - Western Michigan vs. Purdue
1. Marshall has played in the Little Caesars (formerly the Motor City) Bowl five times.
2. Marshall won the Caesars/Motor City three consecutive seasons (1998-2000)
Belk - Louisville vs. N.C. State
The Belk Bowl? Come on.
Military - Air Force vs. Toledo
This game would be a lot better if it was played on another day besides a Wednesday, at a time other than 4:30 in the afternoon, and if two other teams were playing in it.
Holiday - California vs. Texas
Cal just hasn't been the same since the Presbyterian game, finishing 4-5 after a 3-0 start. Some people think Texas is worth watching because it has the less-talented brothers of the school's former star quarterback and wide receiver, but I've never met any of those people.
Champs Sports - Florida State vs. Notre Dame
Great bowl name, part 3: FSU lineman Sterling Lovelady.
Alamo - Baylor vs. Washington
I knew when Washington beat Eastern Washington back on September 3 that we'd be counting down the days until the Huskies played Baylor in the Alamo Bowl. I remember when we hit the magical 47 mark. Now, finally, that day is just 16 more days away.
Armed Forces - BYU vs. Tulsa
The masked mandolin
tried to Ron a bank,
but forgot his gum
and was sent to gel for lice.
Pinstripe - Rutgers vs. Iowa State
Finally, college football fans get what they want: Rutgers and Iowa State. The winning coach gets to massage former Yankees' manager Stump Merrill's hemorrhoids.
Insight - Oklahoma vs. Iowa
Meineke Car Care - Texas A&M vs. Northwestern
The only time Northwestern has won a postseason game was in the 1949 Rose Bowl. It's been eight consecutive losses since, including that famous 2003 Motor City Bowl loss to Bowling Green.
Sun - Georgia Tech vs. Utah
Tech's rushing attack (3rd in nation, 316 YPG) goes up against Utah's rushing defense (7th, 97 YPG).
The head coaches-Paul Johnson and Kyle Whittingham-putting their hands on some helmets.
95% chance someone just beefed.
Kraft Fight Hunger - UCLA vs. Illinois
Liberty - Cincinnati vs. Vanderbilt
Vandy's coach from 1997-2001 was Woody Widenhofer. And people wonder why this program has only been to five bowl games in 108 years.
Peach Bowl - Virginia vs. Auburn
Great bowl name, part 4: Virginia defensive tackle Buddy Ruff.
TicketCity - Houston vs. Penn State
Celery Man, TicketCity Bowl publicity photo
[Photo aged three hours]
Capital One - South Carolina vs. Nebraska
So, you purchased your first mashed potato pit.
2. Jump in and have fun
3. But not too much fun (supper's at 6)
Gator - Ohio State vs. Florida
This match up would've been great in ANY OTHER SEASON.
Outback - Georgia vs. Michigan State
The reward for finishing as runners-up in the SEC and Big Ten: Tampa!
Wait, that didn't come out right.
The reward for finishing as runners-up in the SEC and Big Ten: Tampa&
Cotton - Arkansas vs. Kansas State
What's going on here?
Any ideas, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
BBVA Compass - SMU vs. Pittsburgh
How to get a grandfather down from a roof:
Climb up onto the roof and grab the thing before it runs away. While still holding the grandfather, get down from the roof.
GoDaddy.com - Northern Illinois vs. Arkansas State
Great bowl name, part 5: Arkansas State coach Hugh Freeze.
Rose - Oregon vs. Wisconsin
Great bowl name, part 6: Oregon kicker Alejandro Maldonado.
Fiesta - Oklahoma State vs. Stanford
Could potentially be the best of the 83 bowl games as two great offenses go at it in Tempe. Winner gets one tortilla chip to split amongst the players, coaches and band members.
Sugar - Michigan vs. Virginia Tech
People think Virginia Tech playing in the Sugar Bowl is the biggest travesty of the 2011 football season, but those people keep forgetting UCLA still has one more game to play.
Biggest travesties of the 2011 football season
1. The Kansas defense
2. UCLA playing in a bowl
3. Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl
4. Charles Davis on FOX's broadcast of the Big Ten championship game
Orange - Clemson vs. West Virginia
Clemson coach Dabo Swinney got to a BCS bowl in his third full season, setting the modern record for quickest a Dabo has gotten to a BCS bowl.
[Note: Dabo Derden, head coach of Feathers College took the Alawitzes to the Derwood Bowl in 1908.]
BCS Championship - LSU vs. Alabama
It's about time these two teams, and the Southeastern Conference as a whole, got some national attention. All year it was North Texas this and Western Kentucky that. I've had enough of this Sun Belt bias.