One-inning no-hitter

Jack Morris

Letter from the editor

Stay away from this man.


- Derwood Morris

Bingo Update

July 4

1:19 a.m.: Yawn

1:22 a.m.: Under couch

--

July 5

1:56 a.m.: Yawn

11:28 p.m.: Burp; yawn

--

July 8

6:46 p.m.: Swinging, acrobatics on shower rod


July 10 - 12:16 p.m.
While hiding in green shower curtain, scares Grandma

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July 23, 1:57 a.m.
Under couch

Cows Can't Spell?

Bingo

Bingo update (June 29, 2:31 p.m.): Stretched; sneezed.

June 30, 12:36 a.m.: ate a spider

June 30, 12:38 a.m.: threw up spider/other grayish-orange things

This Week in Gross

We're starting a new segment here at ILTCSC called This Week in Gross.

This week: Ruby Tuesday salad bar




"We have a sneeze guard!"

That's fantastic. Do you have an I Wiped My Nose With My Hand and Then Grabbed the Ranch Dressing Ladle guard?

How about an Old Woman Skin Flakes guard?

Maybe you can check in the walk-in freezer for a Six-Year Old Whose Never Washed His Hands guard.

You have none of those items? Then why don't you go ahead and keep the sunflower seed kernels and the raisins. I'm going to eat something that I'm pretty sure only two people - the cook and the server - touched.

I didn't circle the restaurant shaking everyone's hand and then licked my own hand after each shake, so why would I eat from this salad bar?


Extra point: A mirror is provided so everyone can see how disgusting they are.