Diary No. 1 of the 2018 season begins with a noon kickoff of Texas-Oklahoma. Joel Klatt and Gus Johnson on the call for FS1.
The silliness gets started right away as Klatt talks about the Sooners: “they are fast,
they are physical, but most important, they’re hungry!”
Importance Rankings - Oklahoma Sooners
#1 - hunger
Honorable mention - all of that other stuff (like speed and strength).
and
the rivalry: “described as culture vs. culture”.
Joel's
on a roll (breakfast place owned by four guys named Joel) giving us “very
Lamar Jacksonesque”, followed closely by a “Tim Tebowesque”.
Oklahoma averages 13 ½ points in the first
quarter, followed by a Sooners' touchdown. 7-0 2:40 in. But Texas,
despite a delay of game on its first offensive snap (!), answers a
couple minutes later, 7-7. Defense seems like it might be optional today.
During
a replay “complete the process of the catch” or some variation of that was said
six times.
Texas
up 10-7 through one quarter. Before we leave, a few more from Klatt and
Johnson:
“keep
those legs churning”
“pushing
the pile”
“he’s
a guy who’ll be playing on Sundays”
“catch
radius”
“a
layered pass”
Alabama-Arkansas,
ESPN
I'd put Arkansas' top two names up against any top two in the country.
Bumper Pool, freshman linebacker
Britto Tutt, junior defensive back
“still
learning situational awareness” is a nonsense phrase and I won't acknowledge it as anything.
Arkansas
with a big stop on fourth and one down 21-7 early second, trying to stay in the
game. Then a terrible fumble on goal line. Can’t turn a touchdown into a lost
fumble and expect to beat Alabama.
**
Is RW Good Times a restaurant? Did they all close down or did I imagine the
restaurant? RW Good Times is either a dream I had or a real place that no
longer exists. It’s one or the other.
**
Tua Tagovailoa
– 16 TD and 0 INT this season, Alabama up 28-7. Arkansas’s defense is not good,
they’ll give up at least 56 today.
I’m not going to spend anymore time watching
Alabama practice its plays against a JV team.
Tulane-Cincinnati,
ESPNU
“into
plus territory” was said three times within the first two minutes of turning on
this game.
“escapability”
is nonsense, but Roy Philpott and Tom Ramsey aren’t done there!
“they
get hats on hats”
!!
bumper sticker:
“some
big boy football”
“he’s
just a two-gapper”
“opportunistic
football”
“a
sense of urgency to get the ball into plus territory”
Cincinnati
fourth and 3, but Tulane has 12 men on the field. First down, THEN Tulane calls
a timeout?
What
is this timeout for?
Maryland-Michigan,
ABC
Great
stretch of nonsense from the broadcast team of Steve Levy and Brian Griese.
“assignment
football”
bumper sticker:
ASSIGNMENT FOOTBALL
“road
grade”
“internal
pass rush specialist”
“win
the turnover battle”
“money
down”
“worth
the price of admission”
“battering
ram”
“Sparty”
And
also, don’t call Mike Alstott “the A train”, Brian Griese.
I’ve
been counting how many times I hear the word “football” and I have a feeling by
the end of the day, Brian Griese is going to be responsible for about 1/3 of
the tally.
Michigan's defense is really good.
Hang
on....
“they’re gonna dress it up with window dressing”
"????(?)?"
- ?, 37
Seems
like a good time to move on.
East
Carolina-Temple, ESPNNEWS
Four quick things before I watch both Temple and East Carolina play for the final few seconds ever:
1. Good
heavens, East Carolina is horrible.
2. Why
does Temple play at the Philadelphia Eagles’ stadium? Every time I see a Temple game
at this stadium there is no one in attendance.
3.
“the pad crack heard round the world”
The
world? No. The pad crack heard by the players on the sideline closest to where
the play occurred? Yes.
4.
Temple running back: Jager Gardner. Jager isn’t a first name, I'm terribly sorry.
Kansas-West
Virginia, ESPN2
“it
feels like one of those gut check drives”
“fresh
legs”
“the
Big 12 equation”
Equations!
“change
the complexion of the Big 12”
Complexions!
And I'm sorry,
but if Kansas is involved the Big 12 complexion isn’t going anywhere.
“the
energizer bunny on that defense”
“outside
the numbers”
“the
business side of college football”
“coachable”
“crucial
road test”
Kansas
five sacks, forced four turnovers, down 28-14. Kansas’ best against the top
teams in the country is down two touchdowns early in the fourth quarter.
“he
puts the fear of god into Kansas opponents”
“he’s
like trying to catch a feather in the wind....in a tornado!”
Stephen
Austin-Sam Houston State, espn3
Sf
Austin quarterback: Foster Sawyer.
Missouri-South
Carolina, SEC Network
Ad:
“no one covers the SEC like we do”
You’re
the SEC NETWORK! Please cover the SEC better than every one else.
Indiana-Ohio
State, Big 10 Network
They didn't say it, but no one covers the Big 10 like the Big 10 Network.
Is
Indiana ever going to be good?
OSU
has won 23 consecutive games in the series & few have been close. Last
Indiana non-loss was a 27-27 tie in October, 1990, last win was 41-7 in
October, 1988. So not a single Indiana player’s older sibling was born the last
time OSU didn’t win or tie in this series.
Ad:
Pizza Hut. “Official pizza of college football. No one out pizzas the hut.” Out
pizzas isn’t a thing, but if it was Pizza Hut wouldn’t be doing it.
Brady Quinn:
“Dwayne
Haskins’ skill set”
“penetrate
gaps”
“he
put it right in the cradle (chuckles)...right in the bread basket”
“freaky
athlete”
Indiana
runs a weird fake reverse and pass for a touchdown, 14-10 OSU now. Needs to be
more weird plays in football.
Fresno State-Nevada, ESPN
Injured Nevada quarterback Ty Gangi statistics shown on screen pre-game: 1,300 yards, 11 touchdowns, six interceptions.
Play-by-play man Mike Corey: "Ty Gangi was having an incredible season."
Mike, China Buffet in Decatur, Georgia is incredible.
San
Diego State-BYU, ESPNU
“hybrid linebacker”
“the Aztecs dial it up”
“flip the field position”
“San Diego State wants to stack the box”
“thrusted into a leadership role”
“effort
sack”
Northern
Illinois-Ball State, espn3
Comment
of the day from play-by-play man Jim Barbar:
“they’re
separated by just four days...in birth”
Thanks,
Jim!
Other
choices:
“they’re
separated by just four days...by moped”
“they’re
separated by just four days...in where they are in "The Great Gatsby”
"football"
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