April 12, 1:34 p.m.
83 degrees and clear on Sunday, drink water, eat breakfast, and come ready to bleed.
April 17, 9:38 a.m.
"We've gone from an 80% chance of rain on Sunday to 0% in 2 days. This is no accident, call it whatever you want but I feel like the Gods want us to beat these guys."
April 18, 1:05 p.m.
"Let your game do the talking, but make no mistake...this is not a "friendly". It's time to go to fuckin war."
Apr 24, 2012
Apr 12, 2012
Mar 23, 2012
Mar 17, 2012
Feb 24, 2012
Dumpster off limits
Other warnings:
"Quit trying to drink that puddle water"
"Get down from that chandelier"
"No ostrich allowed in the dugout"
Feb 7, 2012
Feb 5, 2012
Super Bowl Picks
Last year, Derwood was right on 19% of his picks and ate six bowls of chili and 17 brown things stuffed with cheese, both Henington family-uninvited-guest records.
National anthem: Forehead (featuring Lil' Shellfish)
Opening kick off: PPD
Over/under corn chips eaten (Southeast region of United States): 680,000
Ken O'Brien: inactive
Playing the percentages:
"Pinning your ears back" - 22%
"Taken to the woodshed" - 31%
Run "between the tackles" - 77%
"Tighten up your bootstraps" - 4%
"Ball recognition" - 9%
"Bow your neck" - .3%
"Playing the field position game" - 62%
"Third and manageable" - .1%
MVP: N/A
Final score: Giants 27, Patriots 20
National anthem: Forehead (featuring Lil' Shellfish)
Opening kick off: PPD
Over/under corn chips eaten (Southeast region of United States): 680,000
Ken O'Brien: inactive
Playing the percentages:
"Pinning your ears back" - 22%
"Taken to the woodshed" - 31%
Run "between the tackles" - 77%
"Tighten up your bootstraps" - 4%
"Ball recognition" - 9%
"Bow your neck" - .3%
"Playing the field position game" - 62%
"Third and manageable" - .1%
MVP: N/A
Final score: Giants 27, Patriots 20
Feb 3, 2012
Feb 1, 2012
Cigarette prices go up at local gas station
Also for sale:
* Bag of corn chips - $18
* Air fresheners - 3 for $40
* Photographs taken with parking lot oil stains - $24.99
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