Sep 14, 2012

One-act play

Marvin and Horace
A one-act play

Setting: inside a laundromat, day time.

Horace is climbing out of a washing machine, doesn’t seem fazed by much. Regular day.

Marvin approaches.


Marvin: “Excuse me, but did you just climb out of that washing machine?”

No response…few seconds pass.

M: “What were you doing inside that washing machine?”
Horace: “What were YOU doing OUTSIDE of that washing machine?….you know, people in laundry….houses? shouldn’t throw glassy..drier sheet..stones, goddangit! Sheet-stones!…...”
M (extremely puzzled, but jumps in to offer help): “Here, let me help you get that stocking out of your hair. [while continuing to help] How long had you been in there?”
H: “Whenever she started the second load.”
M: “She?”
H: “My wife…well, my ex-wife. She divorced me while I was inside.”
M: “When did she divorce you?”
H: “[Growing agitated] I don’t know, sometime around the first spin cycle.”
M: “Seems like an odd place to get divorced.”
H: “I should show you where we got married. That reminds me, have you seen a Judge Calhoun? He ran off with my bathing suit during the rinse.”
M: “No. Did she give a reason?”
H: [getting angry] “It’s not even beach weather!”
M: [reaches out, touches H shoulder} “Please. Did she give you a reason?”
H: “I have stains that are just impossible to get out and I can’t be washed with Canadian quarters. [end act] Her words.”
M: “I’m sorry to hear that.”
H: “Don’t be. I met a nice, young lady while I was inside.”
M: [after pause] “You met a nice, young lady while you were inside the washing machine?”
H: [after pause] [hangs head, then lower mumble but audible] “Well, she wasn’t nice…..or young.”
[M takes a second]
M: “you’ve had a tough couple hours, haven’t you?”
H: “Hours? It’s been days. Couldn’t get a pair of khakis clean, so we had to do it until we got it right. Again, her words.”
M: “Well, can I help with anything?”
H: “You can help me get these soap suds out of my ear.”
M: “Sure, let me….”
H: [interrupting] “You know what, I changed my mind. The suds are going to stay.”
[long, awkward pause by both & weird smile on H face]
M: “I have to say, you’re handling this whole thing pretty well.”
H: [looks adoringly] “You had me at ‘those pants look great on you.’”
M: “You’re not wearing any pants.”

(Marvin runs out of laundromat. Scene ends.)

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